What's beyond the mud of suffering? Is there a "Healthier Self" that can bloom?
Looking at mental health through a compassionate growth-oriented
lens (meet my friend Kuan Yin - Goddess of Mercy and Compassion)
With a mindset of growth psychosocially, emotionally, morally and spiritually This blog is an exploration of healthy multidimensional positive growth creatively and through the garden. Seeing beyond and blooming through the persistent gloom...
What is healthy personal growth in mental health in a psychosocial, emotional, moral/ethical and spiritual direction?
"When I-llness is replaced by We-llness"
I believe a healthy adult self is construed and constantly (re)constructed relationally/interpersonally, not individualistically, each "other" is a catalyst for expansion and growth, or equally for dissolution of aspects of the 'lesser self' and in unhealthy relational fields, for self-devolution. Peer relations allow for both construction/growth or dissolution of aspects of the self, either healthily broadening thought-action-behavioural repertoires through interpersonal learning and positive reinforcement and a matrix of broaden-and-build prosocial emotions, or allowing dissolution of 'lesser selves' and new learning through peer negative reinforcement. Where there is not adequate peer connection or stability/continuity of the relational self in the world, one loses the ability to healthily grow as a person, rather forming a 'self-imploding black hole' in isolation.
Idealistically, 'otherness' can dissolve to allow one to see 'no other' and embrace common humanity - one's peers become mirrors into Self and Guides to beyond through connection. This is not to say there is not a level of individual empowerment and self-responsibility but that the healthy self does not form nor function as an 'isolated I' but is built and maintained in a healthy interpersonal relational field of mutual respectful equality ie via healthy peer relationships such as friendships and also in family dynamics where the self is shaped and molded by not only personal intrapsychic processes but relationally. These are seemingly an essential "foundational basis of better mental health"
The Self is ideally transformed, shaped and refined like a diamond by not simple individual growth but through learning pressures and impetus for transformation from beyond the self.
"The Healthier Self is not an Island"
There is seemingly strong bi-directionality between the psychosocial arena and other aspects of development, physically, psychologically, socially, emotionally, morally and spiritually.
Pathological Self development is to me unstable and unhealthy power dynamic with harsh and critical self-other judgments, regression, stagnation, boundary violations, easily in part maintained by pathological psychosocial constraints like ego-centricity, constrictive emotional dynamics like fear, social adversity and persistent social isolation with progressive interpersonal relational degradation and disconnection with progressive devolution of moral and ethical conduct. At best, an unhealthy and disrespectful power dynamic of "you vs me" without virtues of connection, trust, respect and healthy connection. Self-other boundaries are blurred, divisive or too rigid, causing a lack of flourishing of "common humanity" and relational virtuous emotional areas of mentalising where self and other beneficially overlap ie "seeing self in others", eg empathy and compassion
Healthy self development seems to be growth-oriented momentum and learning with a growing psychosocial-emotional, moral and spiritual progression of greater and greater multidimensional interpersonal learning, trust, sharing/reciprocity, embrace of vulnerability, respect and emotional closeness/intimacy and mutual care centred on deeper and deeper connection and building virtuous and deeper ethics and non-hierarchical interpersonal closeness, becoming progressively less ego-centric into deeper healthier relating to other aspects of existence. There becomes spiritual relating to others where ethical and moral conduct, progressively nurturing aspects of kindness, compassion etc towards a widening circle of "peers"
"Interpersonal Socio-Emotional Growth"
Social-emotional needs include belonging and love, broad constructs which are individually and interpersonally construed.
First one seemingly builds a secure base of interpersonal 'relating' where one's self is learning about, 'dancing with' and eventually conceptually bound to "other" by commonality in a backdrop of 'interpersonal safety and stability', moving onto 'liking' and letting others into one's world - interpersonal relations of 'you and me' with appreciation or attachment to peers, moving slowly beyond selfish desires, progressively becoming less and less ego-centric while consolidating a healthier and healthier secure interpersonal self-concept, to a mutually beneficial 'we' where best interests of both parties become centred at heart. Through a lessening of self-defensive egoic nature through vulnerability and trust, emotional intimacy begins to develop and deeper ethics and virtues centred around belonging, kindness, even love and belonging begin to develop and be mutually nurtured.
"Moral and Spiritual Growth"
As relational dissolution of the egoic personal self takes place and a wider circle of relating develops, progressive growth may occur beyond the interpersonal socio-emotional realm. Needs such as morality 'living a good life' and spiritual growth start to develop and provide a new lens for life. On a backdrop of interpersonal commonality, with empathetic
attunement to others beyond the self, one is able to more virtuously relate to others in a greater moral sense. One seeks to reduce not just personal suffering but also compassionately relates to others, encouraging an ethical life direction. Spiritually, one ponders their relationships to "the Divine" or "Ultimate" and derives a sense of connection that can be nourishing and provide progressive growth and access to self-transcendence.
To conclude, growth in mental health is a broad multidimensional construct of 'moving beyond pathology' to embrace or heal areas not just within one's mind but in the world and beyond one's self
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